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Facing the Fire

Sid finished his third round of treatment 3 days ago on Friday. The nausea and cold sensitivity have hit him hard. However, he held it together well enough to enjoy some football and the World Series. The outcome of the World Series may have contributed to some of his (our) discomfort, though.

I'm amazed and proud of his strength and determination to fulfill his church duties to the best of his ability. His chemo schedule falls in such a way that the immediate Sunday after treatment he has extra meetings (Ward Council and Elder's Quorum presidency meeting) before the regularly held two hour block of church services. All three Sundays he has doned his suit and headed out the door early to catch every one of those meetings. I'm grateful that he is so willing to serve and I'm grateful for how his calling has given him the opportunity to escape his own head and worries in favor of helping others.


Over the weekend there has been a prominent pain in his upper right abdomen. It has waves of intensity, but pain meds have barely taken the edge off when it's been at it's worst. 

His blood work on Friday came back with very high numbers for his ALTs and ASTs. These are measurements that concern the liver, which is mostly housed in - you guessed it - the upper right quadrant of the abdomen. On Friday they were way above normal range, but not so much so that they couldn't proceed with his chemo treatment. They gave him instructions to have his blood work reevaluated Monday morning at Logan Regional to check on things post chemo. Those measurements had increased even more since Friday. That combined with the fairly consistent pain meant that we made an impromptu visit to the Huntsman yesterday for a CT scan. 

The doctor in the "Acute Unit" explained that the issues happening with his liver were a normal reaction from one of his treatment medications. If the CT scan showed a normal liver we could safely assume that was the case. If not, we'd have to start the guessing game of "what's causing the liver to crash?". Sid was scheduled to do this kind of testing in few weeks between treatment 4 and 5. Given the circumstances they decided the CT should happen a little earlier.

It was a long day of waiting for our turn. I had a cute little Lucy to keep my mind and hands busy, but poor Sid had a lot of pain and a lot of "what ifs" plaguing his mind and body. But I was grateful that they let Lucy and I back to be with Sid. She is a naturally calm and happy baby. She brings joy wherever she goes, but it's especially apparent in a place that so often is filled with difficulties. She was a very sweet presence and all the nurses loved her. She definitely helped lift Sid's spirit and I overheard a few happy comments from the other patients, as well.

A side tangent: Children 14 and under are not usually permitted anywhere clinical at the Huntsman; just the lobby and restaurant/cafeteria. We've had to ask permission each time she's come along. I understand why it's a standard. A lot of people there already feel awful and they don't need to deal with listening to fussy babies or kids squealing, even if it's in happiness. I just wish I didn't have to feel like I was choosing between the two; Sid or the kids. But I can't do it all and I don't need to. Sid's dad has been immensely helpful by taking Sid to his treatments. He and Sid have enjoyed the extra time together and I've been able to keep the ball rolling at home with the kiddos. We have also had a mighty force in our friends and neighbors being willing and ready to help. Anyway, when we ended up being in the hospital for a large chunk of the day, I was grateful we spent it together.

Well the CT brought good news! His liver looked ok and we were able to determine that it was having the immuno response due to the medication. We were also given some unexpected news about Sid's treatment:

It's working.

All of the cancerous lymph nodes had shrunk and the wall of his esophagus had decreased in thickness.

Thank you for the prayers and encouragement. I guarantee that those are equally contributing to Sid's, and our, success.  


I don't want to be a wet blanket but we're not out of the woods yet. You better believe I celebrated yesterday's news! And I am also aware that there are battles yet ahead. 

This last week in the Come Follow Me program from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we studied the stories of Daniel and of Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah - more commonly known as Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego. When those three Jewish men were facing death in a super heated furnace they boldly declared: 

"...O Nebuchadnezzar, we are not careful to answer thee in this matter.

   If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king.

   But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up." (Daniel 3: 16-18)

A prophet from The Book of Mormon, named Abinadi, also faced death by fire. His outcome was a "but if not" outcome and he died.

Throughout last week I considered our circumstances and how I would feel if our answer from God was a "but if not" kind. Do I have faith to not get the outcome I want?

I believe I do. 

In both stories they had to face the fire. For the three Jewish men, they still had to choose faith as they were marched towards the flames. Daniel was still locked in the lion's den.

Sid still has cancer and we know what's on the table for possible outcomes. We are still in the fire and we don't know which way things will turn out. But I have felt God with me too many times to give up on Him.

 

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